Suggested Uses of Liquid ASS
The Method Most Preferred by the Assmen
Best results are obtained when used indoors. Squirt liberally with a sweeping motion over a large surface area.
On most carpeted floors, Liquid ASS is not visible and the smell lasts longer. On tile floors, squirt in the corners to minimize light reflection. (See illustrations below). A good rule of thumb is to apply Liquid ASS around the perimeter of the target area or approximately that same amount spread over the middle area.
Several significant variables will affect the performance of your Liquid ASS operation. Results will vary due to ventilation, humidity, room size, and amount applied. In general (95% of the time), when used indoors with medium ventilation, a third of a bottle will generate dry-heave-quality stench from one to three hours.
The guidelines given above combine simplicity, effectiveness, and entertainment value.
The stench and longevity of Liquid ASS far exceeds that of Stink Bombs and Fart Spray. Liquid ASS is a highly–concentrated, butt–crack smell with hints of green poo, fart, and dead animal.
Situations to Avoid
High Ventilation: Within a few minutes of being applied, Liquid ASS undergoes the evaporation process to permeate the air with its unique ASS aroma. However, being airborne, Liquid ASS is subject to the caprices of air movement. So keep this in mind: If the air is leaving, so is your ASS.
Outdoors: The great outdoors is a super high ventilation situation. See previous point.
Cigarette Smoke: We have found that a lot of Liquid ASS is necessary to cut through cigarette smoke. Even if cigarette smoke is not present, cigarette smoke saturated carpet and fabric soak up Liquid ASS like a sponge and won't let it go.
Other Liquid ASS Application Ideas
People: Direct application on the targeted person: BE CAREFUL! Liquid ASS is silent and the thin stream is hard to see or feel, but given the circumstances, it is easier to get caught. But, watching the person walk around smelling like a turd is worth the patience and effort. Applying Liquid ASS on the intended victim outside in the rain prior to coming indoors is one way to decrease chances of detection.
Automobiles: Since cars enclose a small area, Liquid ASS is extremely effective. The downside is that you will probably miss most of the reaction which is 50% of the entertainment value (unless, of course, you are riding in the car enduring the stench yourself). We suggest putting some Liquid ASS on a cotton ball and stuffing it under the seat.
Elevators: Let them ride that ASS (small enclosed areas are perfect).
Door handles: Their hand will smell like they shoved it up Andre the Giant's ass.
Liquid ASS "poo dollar": Possibly a cure for the love of money.
Office chair: Put it on their chair directly; get it on their clothes indirectly.
Telephone receiver: Give them something to talk about.
Birthday balloons: Get the party started by popping an ASS balloon.
Fan: What a breath of fresh ASS (apply to a rag and throw it on the shroud).
Public transportation: Now everyone knows riding the bus stinks.
Office desk: Now the brown-noser smells like the brown (apply around the rear edges).
Liquid ASS can also used for a unique funny gag gift.
Of course, we realize that the uses of Liquid ASS are limitless. We welcome other suggestions and experiences.
As with all products, please heed the warnings that are printed onto the label of every bottle of Liquid ASS.
Be sure to have a stash of Liquid ASS for April Fools' Day and Halloween.
Practical Uses for Liquid ASS
Yes, believe it or not, Liquid ASS has other practical uses than just office pranks:
• Catfish Stink Bait
• Hunting Cover Scent
Page last updated 10Feb2018.