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Frequently Asked Questions

Liquid ASS

Q: Is Liquid ASS safe?

A: Yes. Liquid ASS has been thoroughly tested by an independent lab and found to be safe. The Material Safety Data Sheet for Liquid ASS notes that "No hazardous ingredients known to be present."   Follow directions, and you are good to go.

Q: From what ingredients is Liquid ASS made?

A: Well, believe it or not, Liquid ASS is not made from real ass, although your nose screams otherwise. We can't tell you the actual ingredients since they are proprietory. However, Liquid ASS has been tested to be safe and it has been rumored that Liquid ASS clears up clogged sinuses. So ASS 'em hard and frequently.

Q: Will Liquid ASS stain cloth, furniture, or carpet?

A: Liquid ASS is virtually clear and will not stain most fabrics. In fact, Liquid ASS will not even show on fabrics unless it is pure white.

Q: How long will Liquid ASS stink after being applied?

A: Results will vary due to ventilation, humidity, room size, and amount applied. In general, when used indoors with medium ventilation, a third of a bottle will generate dry–heave–quality stench from one to three hours.

Q: When will the smell be totally gone?

A: The lingering smell that remains after Liquid ASS climaxes is usually completely gone within 12 to 18 hours.


Q: How do I order Liquid ASS?

A: Go to the Products page of our online store. Make your selections and step your way through the check–out process.

Q: Do you offer free shipping?

A: For orders within the United States totaling more than $42.00, we offer free shipping.  For international orders, shipping costs are too high for us to offer free shipping.

Q: What payment methods do you accept?

A: We accept PayPal, all major credit cards, personal checks, money orders, and cashier's checks.

Q: Will you accept payment by cash?

A: IF you want to risk it, you can also send payment via well concealed cash. Sending cash through the mail is not advisable and we will not be held responsible for any mail with cash enclosed going missing or being lost in transit. If you insist in sending concealed cash through the mail, then please consider also obtaining proof of delivery before sending it.

Q: How come your web page will not load the final checkout screen? or
Why does your web page not let me proceed when trying to place an order?

A: In most cases, you have installed a firewall or, if at work, your employer has, which is preventing you from successfully completing an order. Also, there is a possibility that your internet browser is not compatible with our shopping cart software.
Alternatives are (1) try another computer and/or location; (2) temporarily turn off your firewall; or (3) send us a check or money order for the order amount plus shipping.

Q: I don't live in the United States, can I still order your products?

A: Yes, we accept orders from anywhere in the world - from Andorra to Zimbabwe.

Practical Jokes

Q: What happens if I play a practical joke using Liquid ASS and the recipient can't take a joke?

A: First, congratulations on "assing" someone! Here are some suggested ways to explain your stinky joke after the fact:

  1. If you already know that they can't take a joke, then don't tell them you did it. Just laugh at them try to figure out what the hell that smell is and its source
  2. If they can't take a joke, then all the more reason to "ass" them. Hammer 'em some more.
  3. Jokes are FUNNY! (duh)
  4. Liquid ASS is a laboratory–tested safe, clear liquid, so they're really quite lucky to have been "assed". (Hell, it might even clear up their sinus congestion if they have a cold.)
  5. Let them know that the Liquid ASS smell will dissipate . . . eventually . . . unless you re–apply it.
  6. If they can't take a joke, spreading a little more Liquid ASS around might make the problem (or the person) go away.

Page last updated 17February2018.